“A geographic approach to tourism represents a distinctly different emphasis from the traditional business approach to the travel industry. The traditional business approach to travel necessarily sees an industry that must be efficiently managed for maximum sustainability of profit. The tourism geography approach, by contrast, focuses upon the physical and human geographic setting of the tourism experience. In addition, it focuses upon the intimate connection of the “internal” tourist experience with the “external” geography of the destination.”

This excerpt is from the  EMU catalog from 2009-2011, taken from the Geography Major-Tourism Geography Concentration introduction.

When I look at this paragraph I want to know how both industries differ. Profit is a difference but tourism is also a business that is profitable. I would reword the first sentence and have it read, “A geographic approach to tourism focuses more on the personal experience than the traditional business approach to the travel industry.”  Then with that sentence you could expand on the differences , mainly the personal experience because the reader is already set up for it from the first sentence. As Williams mentions in chapter five “Coherence 1,” he discusses how readers break up paragraphs and I believe “A short opening segment” applies here (92).”A short opening segment. Toward the end of this segment, in the stress position of the last sentence, readers look for the concepts the writer will discuss in the following section. Those words are often topics, but they must also include themes” (Williams, 92).  The geography introduction includes themes to begin with but by changing the first sentence the “issue” is more prominent and now the “discussion” can follow. Williams explains on 92 how the paragraph must first start with the issue and the discussion must follow.